shades of a Mistress
by 1 FANtastic
Summary: "It only took a year for me to become so attached to Christian and I fear it will take far longer for me to get over him. He won't have a problem dealing with my absence in his. After all, he does have a wife."
1. Chapter 1

A/N. I know I'm a bitch for starting a new story while I have to others unfinished, but some very loyal readers took a look and said I should post and I honestly value their opinions. So hope you like it.

Sincerely Kayla

Chapter 1

I wake to the wee hours of the morning in search of my boyfriend, only to find his side of my bed cold. I bolt upright and spot one if his signature notes on my nightstand. I'm ashamed to say I'm not the least bit surprised. I take the note and read it aloud.

Ana

I'm sorry for leaving, but I had a early breakfast meeting I couldn't miss. Please try not to hate me too much. As always I love you more then you could imagine. Can't wait until tonight Happy anniversary.

I stare at the note, feeling as if I've read these words before. With a heavy sigh I unwrap myself from my sheets and head into the shower. As the warm water washes over me, it rinses away the night before. Leaving me with nothing but the memories of the intimacy my boyfriend and I shared. In the beginning it was almost frightening to feel the way I felt for him, my body called for him as his did for me and no matter how hard we fought our feelings it was pointless in the end. I wish I could say everything is perfect, but it's not. After a year of being with him, I honestly don't know where our relationship is headed. I finish my shower, not wanting to dwell on the always present feeling of dread I have thinking of Christians and I future together, or lack there of.

As I dress I can't help but come to the realization that Christian has brought me everything I have on. From my diamond earrings to my heels, it's all from Christian. He insists on buying me these things I couldn't care less about. The one gift I've cherished above all the others is my charm bracelet. Not only is it the first gift he ever gave me, but each charm represents a special moment for us. Whenever I feel uncertain about my relationship with Christian and wanted to call it quits, this charm bracelet and a good night of crying has got me through it. Looking at the time I realize I should be halfway to work by now. I grab my car keys and head out the door.

I'm glad I don't live too far from SIP or I would definitely be late. As I walk through the lobby, Claire is by my side within seconds.

"Ana, I've been calling you all night." I vaguely remember hearing my phone ringing, but that was around the time Christian had me on the brink of my third orgasm.

"Really?" I continue to walk and Claire follows.

"Yes really. I've found the perfect guy for you."

Not this again. Everyone I know feels the need to try and set me up. "Thank you Claire, but no thank you."

"Come on Ana, you have to date someone eventually." If she only knew.

"Claire I really need to get to work." Taking my hint she turns on her heels and leaves.

I start working and read manuscript after manuscript, drowning myself in the written word. If I had to read a manuscript about my life, I can't say I would want to read it at all. I wouldn't find it romantic, I would find it sad and truly embarrassing. I'm broken from my pity party by the ping of my email. Luckily for me It's just Kate asking if I wanted to grab dinner tonight. If I didn't have plans with Christian, I would jump at the chance to have Kate all to myself for a couple of hours. Between being a wife and a journalist, Kate doesn't have time to just hang out and I completely understand. I type her a quick reply telling her maybe we can reschedule. She doesn't reply back and I know she's probably hurt. I tried to distance myself from Kate just in case the Greys ever found out about Christian and I. If Kate ever knew the truth, I don't doubt that she will most likely be ashamed. Hell, I'm ashamed of my situation with Christian. So much so that I refuse to acknowledge that I've ever met him to any of my colleagues. I know what you're thinking; if you feel this way, why are you with him? I've asked myself the same question over the past year with Christian. So tonight will be our last night together. I can't go another day being his dirty little secret, I think a year is long enough.

I know I'm far from being prepared to leave Christian, but it has to be done. I could go on about how much I love him or how much he loves me, but it won't matter. The reality of the situation is I'm young and fell for a married man. So much so that I gave him my virginity, purely on the grounds that I felt a overwhelming spark between us that pulled me to him. Now I yearn for something I could never have because he belongs to someone else. Of course Christian doesn't see it that way. He claims he isn't happy in his marriage and hasn't been for some time. He says things like we're soul mates and I'll never know how much I mean to him, and yet he still goes home to his wife. My phone rings and I quickly wipe away a lone tear before I answer.

"Anastasia Steele."

"Hello gorgeous." His voice alone sends my hormones into a frenzy.

"Hi." My depression has found its way into my voice and I know he hears it.

"Ana, are you ok?" Shit. Curse him for knowing me so well.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I don't sound at all convincing.

"I can tell you're upset."

"Christian, can we please talk about this later."

He's silent for a moment and I can tell he's nervous as to what I could possibly want to talk about. "Ok. I just wanted to let you know you have a few surprises waiting for you once you leave work."

I smile despite my mood. "Of course I do." A giggle erupts out of me. Christian is the king of surprises.

"I guess I'll see you later."

"Okay." We both stay on the line.

"I love you Anastasia, you do know that don't you?" It's so heartfelt, it's almost as if he knows the end is near.

"I love you to Christian." We end our call and I feel the pressing need to cry. I don't doubt for a second that he loves me, I just refuse to spend the rest of my life in love with a man that's committed to someone else. He always jokes that maybe if we would have met a year earlier, he would be married to me. Well we didn't met a year earlier, so dwelling on the could of, would of, should of is a waste of time.

Around five I head to my car, mentally preparing myself for a night of heartbreak. The closer I get I notice something in my back seat. I roll my eyes knowing full and well Christian has everything to do with this. As I drive home I wonder what extravagant gift Christian has bought me. Telling Christian not to buy me expensive things is pointless. Sometimes I think he feels guilty so he tries to make me happy with some piece of jewelry or clothing. What he doesn't seem to understand is that none of it matters to me, All I want is him. It sounds so simple yet so far fetched.

I park in front of my building, gather my gift boxes and head to my apartment. As I climb the stairs, I realize these boxes aren't at all heavy so that probably means it's something simple, well at least simple for Christian. As I open the door to my home the smell of flowers invade my senses. Spread all around my living room are vases upon vases of flowers. The colors range from pink roses to yellow tulips. It's so beautiful, the biggest smile spreads across my face. I take the card that's attached to one of the vases.

Dear Ana

Wasn't sure which one you would have liked best. So I got all of them. See you tonight. As always I love you more then you could imagine.

C

I have a inner battle with myself. A part of me wants to keep my relationship with Christian going. The other part of me knows that I should have never started anything with Christian to begin with. Overwhelmed by my emotions, I sit in my sea of flowers and open the boxes that were in my car. In the bigger box I find a navy blue sleeveless Tom Ford dress with a plunging neckline. In the next box is a pair of navy blue Christian Louboutins. I take time to admire both the dress and the shoes before I send Christian a text.

*I love my gifts.*

A

His response is almost immediately.

*Glad you like them. The best is yet to come. Pick you up at 6:30.*

I look at my watch and it's already 5:30. I run to the shower, stripping my clothes as I go. After a quick wash, I'm dressed and applying my makeup. I only apply the usual mascara, eyeliner and lipstick. But with every move I make, I can't help but think this is the last time I'll ever do this for a date with Christian. This dress and shoes are the last gift he'll ever give me and no matter how many times I tell myself it's for the best, it still hurts.

It only took a year for me to become so attached to Christian and I fear it will take far longer for me to get over him. He won't have a problem dealing with my absence in his. After all, he does have a wife. I've met his wife twice; first at Kate's engagement party and then again at the wedding. Both times were before Christian and I were involved, I don't think I could look her in the eye now. She seemed nice and deeply in love, that alone is why I refused to acknowledge what I felt around Christian. But that one night in Portland changed everything.

I was there for Jose art show and Christian was there on business. I was staying at the Heathman hotel as was he, when he seen me sitting alone at the bar. Seeing how his brother had just married my best friend, I thought it would be nice to be friendly. A drink turned into five and before I knew it we were both mauling at each others clothes. Ultimately we stopped before anything happened. After that, I stayed far away from anything that had to do with Christian Grey. That didn't stop him from calling and emailing, and after three months of trying to deny my feelings, I gave in. Please refrain from calling me a whore or saying that I'm easy, I do that enough already. I never proclaimed to be a saint, I'll be the first to admit everything I've done in the last year is wrong. But I don't know if I would change it if I could. I love Christian, so as bad as the situation is I won't say I regret it.

I take a look at my watch and see that it's almost seven. I have a small panic attack, simply because Christian is never late. As if on que my phone rings. I answer expecting to hear Christian tell me he's out front.

"Hello."

"Anastasia, I'm so sorry. I can't make it tonight. My brother wants to talk to me, he says it's important."

A small wave of anger courses through me."It's fine, I'll talk to you tomorrow"

"I'll stop by your place tonight."

"No. I'm not feeling well, so I think I'll just go to bed early." Well it's not entirely a lie. I do feel sick because I know things like this will always happen, and I'll always end up alone. I guess that what comes with being a mistress.

"Ok. I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Ok."

"I love you Ana."

Oh no. I feel the tears filling up my eyes and I will them not to fall."Christian, I have to go." I end the call before he has a chance to say anything.

So here I sit; fully dressed with no where to go. I want to cry, I just feel like I don't have the right to. I'm not his first priority, his family is. So whenever he has to choose, he'll always choose them. I head to my room and begin to undress. As I'm taking of my jewelry, my charm bracelet catches my attention. The little charms are bitter sweet. They have significant meaning to me but whenever someone ask about them, I have to lie. I remember when Ray asked me why I always wore it, I panicked and told him I bought it off line and the charms were already on it. He didn't seem like he believed me, but he could sense I didn't want to talk about it. I take the bracelet off and place it on my dresser before I climb in bed. I just lay there, wondering how I got to this place in my life. I'm closed off and secretive, but I'm only that way because of my relationship. My friends stop wanting to be around me a long time ago and I don't blame them. I went from going out with them every weekend to them not being able to find me on the weekends. Speaking of friends, I could have been with Kate tonight. I text her in hopes that she's still free.

*Was wondering if you wanted to grab a late dinner?*

A

*Of course. Meet me at the mile high club.*

K

I'm no longer sad about not seeing Christian, but excited to see Kate. I'm embarrassed to say I don't remember the last time Kate and I were together. She wanted to do some type of spa day last month, but Christian had a business trip in Taiwan and naturally I went with him for the chance to be out and about without the fear of his wife seeing us. See, everything in my life always comes back to Christian. I push all thoughts of him in the back of my mind for the night. I change into a cream pencil skirt, white top and black heels. I grab my keys and head out.

I've been to the mile high club plenty of times over the last year, yet I've never actually seen it occupied by other people besides Christian and I. Whenever we came, he made sure it was completely vacant. As you can probably suspect, he didn't want anyone to find out what he was up to.

I exit the elevator and make my way to the hostess.

"Excuse me. I'm having dinner with a Katherine Grey."

"Right this way." I follow her through the restaurant, admiring the view as I always do. She leads me to a table full of people, and almost as if I've been punched, realization dawns on me.

"Ana!" Kate jumps up and engulfs me in a hug. It takes a second to hug her back due to my shock."I thought you weren't going to come."

"I thought it was just going to be the two of us." I say looking at the table.

"Well Elliot and I had some big news and we wanted to share it with everyone." She leads me to the table and I follow timidly. The first one to greet me of course is Ethan.

"Ana Montana! It's been a while." I laugh at the old nickname as he hugs me.

"Hi Ethan."

"Have you met my girlfriend, Mia?"

Sitting next to Ethan is a the always happy, always stylish, Mia Grey. I've only met her a handful of times, but she was always pleasant.

"Yes. Nice to see you again." I extend my hand and she shakes it.

Before I can fully let go of Mia hand, Elliot has me trapped in a bear hug.

"Ana, I'm so glad you're here. My wife has been taking your absence personally." I feel guilty immediately.

"I'm sorry. I've just been busy, I swear." I look over his shoulder in Kate's direction with pleading eyes.

"All that matters is that you're here now." Elliot assures me. Turning back to the table he introduces the last two people seated. "Ana, I'll like you to meet my brother Christian and his wife Leila."

I'm sure I blush. Christian is looking at me as if he's trying to say sorry with his eyes and Leila has a broad smile on her face. I extend my hand both to Leila then to Christian, before I take my seat next to Kate. I look around the table and notice I'm the only one with out a significant other. I want to finish this dinner as quickly as possible without being singled out. But for some strange reason everyone wants to know what I've been up to, since they haven't seen me in a while.

I tell them of my promotion at SIP, I leave out the part about the previous editor being fired for sexual assault. Kate asked about my apartment and I tell her I'm doing ok living alone. She was so paranoid when I first moved out, as if I might get murdered. All in all the conversation flows freely and naturally. Christian and Elliott bicker at one another making everyone laugh. Mia entertains us with tales of Paris and life with Ethan, and every once in a while I indulge in a laugh myself. If it wasn't for Christian burning a hole in the side of my head, I would be having a good time. As the dinner comes to a end, I remember Kate and Elliot had something to share with us.

"So Kate, are you ever going to tell us why we're here."

She takes Elliott's hand and beams a full blown megawatt smile. "As you all know, Elliot and I love you all. So we gathered you here to tell you...we're pregnant."

Everyone gasp then cheers for the happy couple. I'm so happy for Kate, her life is perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way. I lean over and give her a hug.

"I can't believe you're going to be a mom." We both laugh.

"I know. If you would have told me two years ago I would be married and pregnant, I would have thought you were high." We share in a laugh again. "Ana, I know you're crazy busy and this probably isn't something you have time for, but I wanted to know if you would be my childs godmother?"

I can't believe Kate has to ask me this." Of course I will. You are my sister and I love you, and I'll love that baby even more."

Kate has tears silently slipping down her face as do I . We hug again, this time neither one of us lets go. It's almost like we're trying to reconnect, trying to find our way back to before I was so wrapped up in Christian. When we finally let each other go, Kate turns to Elliot and he passes her a napkin to dry her eyes. I look around the table for a napkin that isn't being used and can't find one. Christian extends his hand passing me one of his handkerchief. I whisper a small thank you and wipe my eyes.

Once we're done blubbering, everyone says their congratulations.

"So Ana, are you seeing anyone?" I turn around and steer at Ethan like a deer in head lights.

"No. I'm still single." I try to keep my voice even. I steal a glance at Christian and his face is covered in shame and sorrow.

"Why? I mean you're very pretty, I don't see how you're single." Mia chimes in.

"Well, I just haven't found the right one." I feel more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Maybe you should come out with me, I'm sure I can find you someone."

"Mia, I'm sure she won't be interested in the uptight ,snobs you have in mind." Christian voices his opinion, trying and succeeding at hiding his rising anger.

"Why don't we just see about that, what do you say Ana?" Mia voice is playful, little does she know she's poking a bull

"We'll see."

The table falls back into easy conversation when everyone starts to talk about the future. You know like marriage, kids, careers and I just listen not wanting to be the center of attention again. But I'm all ears when Ethan ask Christian what he wants in his future. He takes a while as if he's thinking about it.

"I don't want much. I just want to be happy." He looks directly at me and I down the remainder of my drink. Leila intertwine her fingers with his and steers at him lovingly.

"Well, I see a family in my future. A little boy with copper hair, who looks exactly like his father. Christian and I have been trying for some time, but sadly I'm still not close to becoming a mother"

My world stops. They've been trying? THEY'VE BEEN TRYING? How could he? He told me he hasn't been with her since we've been together. And not only are they having sex, but they're trying to have a baby? I feel nauseous, I swear I'm going to throw up.

"Ana, are you ok?" Kate turns to me with concern etched on her face.

"Yeah, I just had too much to drink. Kate I think I'm going to head home." I stand too fast and stumble. As if he wants to help me in some kind of way, Christian catches me. I pull myself from his embrace, not wanting to feel his hands on me.

"Thank you Mr. Grey." I turn on my heels and leave with promises of getting together with Kate and Mia soon.

Back at my apartment, I lay in my bed feeling like a complete idiot. I turned my life upside down for what? He never loved me, he never cared. I was just something for him to play with whenever his wife was busy. What did I expect? He'll just leave his wife for me? I'm nothing special, just a young, naive girl who fell for the words of a man who has a life with someone else. She can give him children and a family and I can not. Imagine the headlines if I did.

BILLIONAIRE CEO MISTRESS GIVES BIRTH TO BASTARD LOVE CHILD.

Before I can stop myself I'm crying uncontrollably into my pillow. I hear a faint knock on my door, but make no move to answer it. If he thinks I want him anywhere near me, he is highly mistaken. After a couple of minutes the knocking stops, but my phone starts to ring. I send his call straight to voicemail and pray he gets that I don't want to talk to him. I allow my tears to fall one last time and vow never to cry over him again. I can't mourn the loss of something that never belonged to me. As my tears pour down my face, I try to rid myself of every memory I have of Christian. I want to forget I've ever met him, then maybe I might have a chance of my life going back to normal.

"Ana." I turn over to find Christian standing in the door way of my bedroom.

"Why are you here?" I ask him as I wipe my tears away.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok."

How can he possibly think I'm ok."Christian, I am anything but ok. Not only am I having sex with a married man, but I had to hear his wife talk about the two of them trying to have a baby for god sake. And now you're here, acting like the perfect boyfriend when you're anything but. So no, I am not ok."

He looks as if I've grown another head."Ana, I don't know why Leila said that. We haven't been intimate in a long time."

"So I'm suppose to believe you?" My voice raises higher and higher.

"Yes. I love you , how could you a think I would lie to you." He reaches out for me and I immediately back away.

"Christian, I can't do this anymore. I'm starting to hate myself more and more everyday. I can't be your secret."

He looks like I've just slapped him." Please don't do this. I know our relationship isn't ideal, but we love each other."

"That isn't enough anymore." Understanding exactly what is happening, my heart starts to ache as if it's truly breaking.

"Please Ana, lets just talk about this." He's planted in front of me with two long strides.

"There's nothing to talk about. I could never introduce you to my father or bring you around for holidays. We could never get married and grow old together, those are the things I want, that you could never give to me."

The tears I've been keeping at bay has filled my eyes. Double crap!

"I could, it'll just take some time. But we have to stay together." He leans in to kiss me and for the first time ever, I turn away. "Ana, please."

"Christian, It's time for you to go." He just stands there, making no attempt of leaving. "Please." It's barely a whisper, but it's all I can bring myself to say. He takes a step back and before me stands a man deeply hurt. We don't speak, we just sit in our final moments together trying to wrap our minds around the fact this is the end.

"Before I go, this is for you." He places a small blue box in the palm of my hand.

"Thank you." I know this is probably another charm, but unlike the others it'll remind me of the night I lost my first love.

He starts to walk away and apart of me dies with every step he takes. Once he reaches the door he turns around and that's when I see his pain. It's hidden well under his strong demeanor.

"Well Anastasia, I can't say I didn't know this was going to happen, I just wanted to believe it could last a little while longer. I know it might not seem like it but I love you. With everything I am, I love you and I know we'll be together again."

I watch as he walks away before I succumb to the overwhelming pain of my heartbreak.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N I know it's taking me a while to update all of my stories but a good chapter is not rushed and I can't write a chapter when I have no idea where I want it to go. I promise to update my other stories soon.

Thank you for reading

Sincerely Kayla

P.s what if Leila does something to Christian and he forgets some things including Ana. No one knows about the two of so there's no one to get them back together. Tell me what you guys think.

Chapter 2 Apov 1 Day post Christian.

Pain...that's all I feel. It's found it's way into my bones and it's indescribable. I don't feel the urge to eat or to sleep, I just feel the urge to cry. I did the right thing, I walked away from something that I knew was wrong, yes it took a year but I still walked away. Well, he walked away. I guess It doesn't matter, the point is we're done. As I cry the tears of a love struck, heart broken girl, he's home with his wife. The woman he vowed to share his life with, through sickness and health, till death do them part. A image of Christian and his wife standing before god, their families and friends as man and wife produces a fresh wave of tears. I thought we would have an epic love, but in the end it was only tragic.

I roll over in my bed, not giving two damns that it's 12 o'clock in the afternoon. After a night like last night, I think I'm entitled to this. I look up at the ceiling for fear that if I look anywhere else I'll find something that will remind me of Christian. Who am I kidding? Anything and everything will remind me of Christian at this point. Still, I rather not cry anymore. He wouldn't want me to cry; he hated to see me cry. So much so that he would never let me watch the notebook. A small laugh leaves my body and for a split second the pain subsides. I sit up and take a look at my bedroom. It looks the same, but it feels like a crime scene. This is where the idea of a life with Christian ended, this is where apart of me died.

I wipe the tears sliding down my face and plant my feet firmly on the ground. I just sit on the edge of my bed for a few minutes, not knowing what to do. My living room is still flooded with the flowers he sent, my bathroom still has his toothbrush and body wash in it and one of my pillows strongly smell of him. So for now, I'll just sit here. I keep telling myself you did the right thing, you'll be ok, and I know it's true. But I also know that it'll take time.

CPOV DAY 2 POST ANA

"FIX IT, AND FIX IT NOW. OR SO HELP ME GOD, YOU WILL BE UNEMPLOYED COME MONDAY MORNING." I slam my phone on my desk, utterly annoyed with my incompetent staff at GEH. Two days, two fucking days without Ana and my life turns to shit. I feel as if someone has stabbed me in the chest and I just have to deal with it. I knew from the beginning what we shared would never last, I guess I just didn't care. She was a joyous and beautiful presence in my other wise dull life. And now that she's gone, I'm afraid that I have nothing but dark days ahead.

I place my head in my hands, while images of my beloved Ana run through it. I miss her something terrible and there's nothing I can do about it. I know she's probably hurting just as much as me if not more, I won't cause her more pain by bombarding her with phone calls. If she wants to be left alone, I'll respect her wishes. A knock on my office door brings me to the now.

"Come in." In walks Leila. Smiling from ear to ear, totally clueless to my evident pain.

"Are you done sulking? Your mood is starting to bring me down." Spoken like the wife I have come to know.

"Leila, I'm warning you to leave me alone." It's as if my words go into one ear and out the other. She stays planted firmly in front of my desk, with a devilish smirk playing upon her lips.

"If you're upset, why don't you call your girlfriend, whoever that might be." Leila says almost challenging. My rage is raising and I'm thankful for this desk being between us.

"Leila, I'm not to be messed with today. Now,GET OUT!" My voice booms in the confines of my office. Leila doesn't flinch.

"I don't know what happened between you and your mistress and I don't really care. But what I do know is, you are my husband. And when I said till death do us part, I meant every word." She strides off to go do lords knows what.

Once I'm alone, I resume my pity party.

I would never say I hate Leila, but I strongly dislike her. From the outside looking in she's just Seattle's sweetheart, when in reality she's anything but. Don't get me wrong, I haven't always felt this way about Leila, it's just our relationship went from good to bad in the blink of an eye.

When I first met her, I was drawn in by her creative mind and carefree spirit. She wanted nothing more than to paint, stating that's what truly made her happy. She would always know exactly what to say or do to bring a smile to my face. She met my family, I proposed and we got married all within months. I thought the best was yet to come, but I was sadly mistaken. She started painting less and less until she stopped completely, she would spend afternoons shopping and at nights she will always go out. I thought nothing of it at first; she's still young and I worked a lot, so I get that she needed something to do. But six months into our marriage, my father had a heart attack. Looking back now, that's what brought all our problems to the light and I came to the realization that Leila was no longer in love with me and more so in love with the the title of a CEO wife. Instead of being by my side, she was no where in sight. I received no shoulder to lean on or a sympathetic ear, she didn't care that I was terrified for my fathers will being.

I would bring it up, we would fight, sleep in separate rooms and in the morning try to salvage our marriage. She promised to support me more and I promised not to work so much, but our marriage was still headed down hill. I tried to find the girl I fell in love with, but she was miles away. No longer did she desire to paint, instead she desired to shop. Slowly but surely she was becoming a complete stranger and I hated it. I wish I could say that's the very moment I fell out of love with Leila, but it isn't. The moment I lost all hope for my marriage came the night my wife told me she was pregnant. I was filled with joy and love for this life growing inside of her, a life we created. But my joy was short lived, Leila had a miscarriage one month later.

I was devastated, even more so because I was out of the country on business. I rushed home but it was too late. As I grieved the lost of a child, Leila acted as if nothing ever happened. She put on a happy face to the public and went about her normal day to day life. We've never been the same since.

I want nothing more than a divorce but she will never let me go so easy. I've brought it up several times over the last year, and she refuses flat out. The papers are drawn up and at this point all we'll have to do is sign. She can have whatever it is that she wants, I just want to be with Ana. But since she's called it quits, I'll just have to pray that she doesn't find someone new. The thought alone makes me sick. I pour myself a glass of scotch and down it quickly. It washes over me; numbing me briefly to my heartache.

Apov day two post Christian

It's only one word that could describe day two post Christian, progress. I'm patting myself on the back for being able to get rid of my sea of flowers without bursting into yet another crying fit. I won't say I'm no longer hurt by what happened and I've gotten over it, cause that would be a lie. I'm still extremely sad for the lost of the man I love. Notice I said love not loved as in past tense. Yes, I'm still very much in love with Christian. To think I would fall out of love with him in a matter of days is nonsense. We're no longer a item because us being together was morally wrong, not because we didn't care for one another.

I have no idea if he misses me and I try not to think about it for fear that I'll revert back into the bedridden mess I was a day ago. But I like to believe he does. I know it might seem crazy, but I want nothing more than to find a nice guy to parade around Seattle in hopes that Christian will see. I could never go through with it for two reasons. One; I'm in no condition to be with anyone, whether it be real or not. Two; the whole thing seems childish. I'm not a teenage girl, I'm a grown woman and I won't use high school tactics as if Christian and I situation is a game. So here I sit utterly and completely alone. But unlike day one, my heart is slowly healing.

Now if I could only find something to do,that would be great. I've cleaned and did laundry. So as you can probably guess I'm bored out of my mind. I think I'll grab a snack and pick out a movie. I make my way to the fridge and become both embarrassed and sad that it's practically empty. I rummage around my cabinets and find a bag of chips; I guess these will do. In the distance I hear my phone ringing, I race to the couch and answer it.

"Hello" there's nothing but silence on the other end. "Hello" whoever is on the other end doesn't say a word. I look at the front of my phone for the number but it's private. Growing frustrated I just hang up. What if? No, no, no, I dismiss the thought before I can fully grasp it.

Taylor pov day three post Ana

I've been with the boss for a while now, and never have I seen him like this. He does nothing but yell and drink. The yelling I can deal with, but the drinking is starting to become a concern. I completely understand why he's drinking, If I was to ever lose Gail I would probably do the same. But he has to know that Ana would never want to see him this way. I don't condone what they were doing but I know without a shadow of a doubt they love each other. His days began and ended with her, and now that they're no longer together his days don't began or end, they just seem to blend into one. Today at Grey house was horrible, he stayed locked away in his office and when he called me to drive him home he smelled of hard liquor. I helped him into the penthouse and left him in the care of Gail, since Mrs. Grey was nowhere to be found. I'm not sure she would have taken care of him if she was home. My heart goes out to Grey; he's stuck with a wife that couldn't care less about him, meanwhile his mistress loves him more then life itself.

So here I stand outside of Anastasia apartment. I'm here on my own free will, Mr. Grey by no means would be OK with this. But I don't like the road Mr. Grey is on with his drinking habit. I knock once and wait to see if she is willing to let me in. A full minute goes without so much as I whisper from the other side of the door. I sigh knowing full well that she's most likely looking through the peep hole.

"Ana, I know you're in there." Still nothing" please, I'm by myself and he doesn't know." I hear the faint sound of the door unlocking before we come face to face. She looks horrible. Her always smiling face has a heartbreaking expression, her hair is all over the place and her eyes are glossy with unshed tears. I feel sad for this poor girl.

She opens the door wider and I enter. She has a plate of food on the table and I'm glad to see she's atleast eating, I wish I could say the same for the boss.

"Taylor I don't mean to sound rude, but what are you doing here?" Her voice is low and sad.

"Well, I wanted to check on you and make sure you were ok." I give her a small smile that she tries to return.

"I'm not OK, but I'm getting there." She doesn't say another word and I can tell she's in no mood to talk about Christian. Still, that doesn't change the fact that I have concerns about him.

"Ana, he's taking everything pretty hard. He doesn't eat and he barely sleeps. He's drinking more then usual and I fear it will get the best of him. Now, I know it'll be asking a lot for you to see him but I was wondering if you could just reach out to let him know that you care."

She stands stock still. I suspect she's letting everything I just said sink in. I have no right to ask her to go against her better judgment, but I know she's the only one who could pull Christian out of this dark hole he has thrown himself into.

"Taylor, I can't do that. We're over. I love him but I want to be happy, and that's impossible when the man I love shares a life with someone else. I hate that he's hurting, but I'm hurting to. He isn't the only one taking this hard, he isn't the only one losing sleep and he damn sure isn't the only one whose life got turned upside down. I just have to think about me and what I what."

She looks down at her fidgeting fingers."What do you want Ana? You know he'll give his life to make you happy. I know you think he hasn't tried to divorce Mrs. Grey but he has, she just refuses to let go."

"Taylor, that's not the point. I can't let Christian be the center of my life, I just need time to myself right now." She's trying her best to stay strong but she's slowly losing her composure. Not wanting to cause her anymore pain I head for the door. "Wait!" I stop in my tracks, while Ana heads into her room and comes back a few minutes later hold her charm bracelet. I'm taking back for a few reasons, the biggest one is mainly because I've never seen it off her wrist, the second reason is because it's stripped of all it's charms except for one. "Taylor I want you to give this to Christian. All of the other charms mean so much to me, but this one is the last one he gave me and I can't bare myself to look at it. Tell him I have all of our best memories with me, and I promise to keep them safe."

Her voice starts to crack a little towards the end. I examine the lone charm and it's absolutely stunning. Its a small infinity symbol with a capital C and A on each side. The message of this charm is clear and I think it will do more damage than good if I give it to him, I take it anyway knowing it's probably causing Ana pain to have it here. "Well kiddo, I guess this is goodbye."

"Not goodbye. Just see ya later." A giggle escapes her and we both share I smile.

"Well I guess I'll See ya later Ana"

"See ya later Jason." Hearing her say my name for the first makes me fear this will be the last time I see Anastasia Steele and it causes my heart to break for Christian.

Cpov

The amber liquid slides down my throat in the most satisfying way. I wish I cared that I lost track of how many drinks I had but I don't. This is the only thing keeping me sane so I'll drink how ever much I want. After all I am by myself; my bitch of a wife is gone, Gail has become some what scared of me and Taylor stormed out when I chewed his head off after he told me I had enough to drink. So here I am all alone yet again. If only I could somehow see Ana, she will tell me everything will be fine. That's what I desperately need; someone to guide me through this storm and pull me out unharmed. But the only person who could truly do that wants nothing to do with me. I take another sip of my drink.

I hear a ping, announcing the arrival of the elevator, followed by heavy footsteps. Knowing it's probably Taylor sets my mind at ease. As he gets closer, I wonder briefly where he's been. Usually Gail is what calms him down when he's upset with me, but since he left her here I have no idea where he's been. He enters my study and stands tall.

"Sir, I have something for you." His voice is unusually low, and I know what ever it is, I won't be happy about it.

"What is it?" My voice is harsher then I intend it to be thanks to the alcohol.

He digs in his pocket and pulls out a silver something and places it in front of me. I don't understand what I'm looking at exactly. But once I grasp what is before me, my head starts to hurt immediately. "WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?"

"Miss. Steele, sir."

What? She would never give this away."AND WHY THE FUCK DID SHE GIVE YOU THIS?"

"She wanted you to have it."

He acts as if this isn't a major deal. I calm myself down since all this yelling is making my head hurt. Deep breaths, this isn't Taylor fault, I can't yell at him. I think before I start to speak again, so I won't yell "And why exactly is that?"

"She didn't want to be reminded of that night sir. I was told to tell you that she has your best memories and that she'll keep them safe."

God damn it. I will not break down in front of Taylor. I take a seat behind my desk and try to collect myself. As long as she didn't get rid of the others, there's still hope. I grow jealous of Taylor since he was the one that got to talk to her. I look at my head of security in the eyes and concern is written all over his face.

"Taylor, how is she?" I don't want her to be handling this as bad as I am.

"She's not good. But she seems to be dealing with it as best as she can."

I smile knowing that Ana is doing everything in her power to keep a herself together. She was always so strong and happy. Even now at a time that I know is most likely difficult for her, she's still putting on a brave face. Meanwhile I'm drinking as if I'm a fish. I become embarrassed and sit my drink aside. "Taylor, this means a lot to me. And thank you for checking on Ana, I don't know what I'll do if something was to happen to her." I admire the single charm.

"Ana? ANA!That's who you've been sleeping with?" We both turn to the voice only to find a pissed of Leila standing in my office doorway. She marches towards me and Taylor instinctively plants his self between us. Not wanting to drag this on for another night, i make a conscious decision that I need to end this marriage. Leila can have whatever it is that she wants, as long as Ana and I can be together.

"Taylor, you can leave." Very hesitantly he follows order and exits my study. Once Leila and I are alone, things take a turn for the worst.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N I had crazy writers block but I finally wrote something I liked. I've learned if I want my stories to be good, I have to take my time and not rush it. That doesn't mean your I hope you can respect that. Thank you thank you thank you for reading.

Sincerely Kayla

Apov

I would love to stay home and obsess over what Taylor said but unfortunately I have work today. I tossed and turned all night while I was plagued by memories of Christian and I, so as you probably guessed it made for a very emotional morning. I cried yet again and regretted letting Taylor in last night. I understand that he wants his boss to be OK, but if I'm ever going to get over this situation I have to distance myself from anything that has to do with Christian. If I felt like being melodramatic I would pack up my life and move to a completely new city, get a new job and act as if I've forgotten all about him. That's just it, I don't want to move, I don't want a new job and I damn sure don't want to forget him. With a heavy sigh I continue getting ready. I tried to ignore my change in attire but it's becoming painfully obvious. Instead of skirts and heels, I've been very fond of slacks and flats lately. I wear the studs my dad bought me for my birthday and I stay far away from my jewelry box since you know who purchased every item it holds. Looking at myself I see it all; my pain, my regret, my shame and above all my heart break. Not wanting to dwell on my depression I head out to work.

Walking across S.I.P lobby feels strange, It's as if something is missing I just don't know what. Brushing it aside I head to my office to bury myself in mountains of manuscripts. Yes, I'm beyond broken but I fill the empty hole with as much of the written word as possible. I sit my briefcase aside and start up my computer. I'm expecting Hannah to come in at any moment now so we can go over my schedule for the day, but Hannah doesn't come. Once again I ignore this paranoid feeling that keeps nagging at me and check some emails. Fifteen minutes go by and still no sight of my assistant. I'm by no means a hard boss to please, but I do expect Hanna to at least have my schedule on my desk. I stand in the door way of my office and start to become annoyed when I spot Hannah's purse yet she's nowhere in sight. I head to the office kitchen thinking maybe she's still eating breakfast or something and find not only Hannah but also Claire and three other employees in deep conversation.

"What's going on in here?" They all jump at the sound of my stern voice.

"Ana, I'm so sorry. Did you need something?"

"Yes. I need my assistant to be at her desk." I head back to my office with Hannah close behind.

"Ana, I swear I just lost track of time."

"Hannah this isn't like you. Instead of doing your job, you were somewhere gossiping." I have never had a problem like this with Hannah, I almost don't know how to react.

"I know Ana, it's just that we were all discussing Mr. Grey and how tragic his current state is."

Every possible hair on me that can stand does just that. "What are you talking about?" Stay calm Ana, it could be nothing.

"You haven't heard?" I shake my head no, in fear that if I speak my voice will be as frantic as my beating heart. "Well, apparently Christian Grey was rushed into the emergency room late last night. He was unresponsive."

Unresponsive! Why the hell was he unresponsive? Oh my god! What happened? As these questions spin around in my head, I feel a little faint.

"Ana, are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. It's just that my best friend is married to Elliot Grey, I should call to make sure they are alright. If you could get my schedule I would appreciate it."

The moment she turns on her heels to leave, panic consumes me. I want to know what happened. What in the world could have happened? I take deep breaths to calm myself, but it's useless. I dig around my purse for my phone to call Kate. I'm not exactly sure what I plan on saying but I know I have to call. As the phone rings my mind goes into over drive, running every possible scenario.

"Katherine Grey."

"Kate, it's Ana." I know my phone call might seem a bit random since we haven't talked since dinner the other night but I don't know what else to do.

"Hey! I called you Saturday but you didn't answer."

"Oh sorry, I wasn't feeling well Saturday." Well it's not entirely a lie.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was actually calling to see how you and Elliot are handling the whole Christian thing." Smooth Ana, real smooth.

"We're upset about it, everyone is. We've been to the hospital but it's hard to see him that way." My throat feels painfully dry and I'm visibly shaken.

"I could imagine. So, are you free for lunch?" I have to change this topic before I begin to cry hysterically.

"Yeah, I had plans but you're more then welcome to join. I'll text you the address."

After a quick exchange of farewells, I end my call with Kate and get back to work.

Cpov

Everything feels heavy. My eyelids won't open and my limbs won't move. In the distance I hear an annoying beeping and want nothing more than to turn it off since it's only adding on to the headache I seem to have. Maybe I should rest a while longer. Yes, that's what I think I should do. I'll just lay here and rest a while longer.

Apov

Around noon I find myself entering a small restaurant to have lunch with Kate. I have absolutely no appetite but maybe she'll at least let me know what happened. As I find the table where Kate is seated she stands to hug me.

"Steele, I'm glad you made it."

"So am I." I notice this is a table seated for three and wonder if she might have invited Mia. "Is someone joining us?"

"Yeah, I had plans with Leila but you called and lord knows the last time we've had lunch, so I changed my reservations for three."

She's so nonchalant, but then again why wouldn't she be. Meanwhile I'm having a small panic attack. I wonder how many mistresses had to actually sit down with the wife, smile in their face and act like they're not the one thing standing between their happiness and complete heartbreak.

Not wanting to seem suspicious I take my seat and hope this doesn't last long. Kate is looking over the menu and Leila's designer handbag placed in her vacant seat is practically screaming at me that I'm a home wreaking whore. I love Christian, but the truth of the matter is I'm not the person he vowed to share his life with, so to anyone regarding our situation that's exactly what I am. As I fidget in my seat, I hear the approaching sound of high heels. I don't need to turn around and see who it is, I know. And within a few seconds I come face to face with the one and only Mrs. Grey. She takes her seat and gives me a strange look before she ultimately says hi.

"Hello, Anastasia. I didn't know you would be joining us."

"Well, I thought I would be having lunch with just Kate." If I sound a bit snappy, it's only because she's giving me a dirty look.

"Leila, I invited Ana. I never get to see her, so I thought lunch would be fun. Is there a problem?" That's why Kate's my best friend.

"No, not a problem at all."

"So Ana, how's work?" I'm so thankful for a normal topic of conversation.

"Work is good. I think I've read about a thousand manuscripts by now." We both chuckle." What about you? How's the world of journalism?"

"On a regular day it's great. But on a day like today, it's chaotic. The minute I stepped into the building everyone jumped all over me. Asking me question after question. But that's to be expected when you're the sister in-law of Christian Grey."

"That's horrible. My husband is fighting for his life, yet all people care about is a story for their stupid paper." She shakes her head in disgust. Kate reaches out and rubs Leila's hand.

"It's going to be oK. Have you talked to Taylor?" I wait and hold my breath for whatever information she's going to unknowingly give me.

"Yeah. He said Christian is still unresponsive. I don't know why he isn't waking up. The doctor said he should be okay, so why doesn't he just wake up?"

She seems so sad, meanwhile I'm fighting off a full mental break down, with tears dangerously close to falling. I can't fathom Christian dead, he has to be ok.

"Ana, what's wrong?" Kate voice snaps me from my thoughts. Her and Leila are staring at me weird.

"Nothing, I'm just a little stressed I guess." Neither one of them look as if they buy it.

"Well Anastasia, it could always be worst. You could be like me; with the love of your life unconscious, leaving you sick with worry not knowing if he'll never make it."

Her words knock the wind out of me. Her light laugh along with her playful smile all seem forced and a nagging part of me wants to get as far away from her as possible.

"You're right Leila. I hope your husband is going to be oK." Referring to Christian as her husband makes me nauseous.

"Well, thank you Anastasia. I'm surprised that you're single." Her smug smile pisses me off.

"What can I say? I just haven't found the right one."

"I know what you mean. They're all either gay or married."

There isn't a trace of a smile on her well made up face. Her always pleasant demeanor seems to be completely off. Kate looks between the both of us no doubt trying to figure out what exactly is going on. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, she knows.

" I guess you can say that." I expect her to jump over the table and start clawing my eyes out, yet she doesn't budge. We stare at each other until the silence becomes unbearable.

"Well, I don't know about you but I'm more then ready to order."

As we pick up our menus. Leila says her farewells, stating that she needs to be with Christian. As she gathers her expensive purse and coat, I can't help but think this is only the beginning.

Cpov

I want to wake up, but I just feel so tired. I'll just rest some more and dream of the people I love.

Apov

The moment I knew about Christian, I knew I would end up here. I tried to do everything to take my mind off of him, but it all failed. So here I am, wondering the halls of the hospital. I texted Taylor and he's waiting for me , but for the life of me I can't bring myself to actually go to Christian's room. If his family can't bare to see him in his current state, surely neither can I. With a heavy sigh, I round the corner and spot Taylor at the end of the hall. His smile is weak and I'm sure mines is weaker. When I'm finally in reaching distance, he wraps me in a tight hug. It feels strange but after a day of trying desperately to hold myself together, I accept it. When he speaks it's almost calming.

"I wanted to tell you, but I thought it would be better in person."

"It's fine. What happened?" That's the question I've been wondering all day.

" I'm not quite sure. Him and Mrs. Grey were having a very heated conversation in his study. It went on for a while then the next thing I knew Mrs. Grey was waking me up stating that Christian fell."

"Fell? Surely a fall couldn't have done that much damage." It doesn't make any sense. If Leila has anything to do with this, I'll make her sorry.

"It wasn't the fall that caused the damage. He hit his head pretty hard on his desk causing his brain to swell, combine that with his alcohol level then it becomes clear." I'm still not buying it, but I didn't want to get into why Christian was drinking so much because I know it'll fall on me.

"So how long will he be like this?"

"It's up to him. He'll wake up whenever his body is ready."I nod my head unable to speak."Ana, I only want you to go in if you absolutely think you can handle it."

I'll never be able to handle it but I need to see him. "I'll be ok."

Taylor moves to the side and lets me enter the room. My footsteps are hesitant and my heart is pounding. The closer I get to the person laying in the bed, the more and more I feel my strength crumbling. By the time I reach his bedside I'm a mess of tears. This can't be my Christian. He has wires attached to almost every thing. I don't know what to do, so I pull up a chair next to his bed and lay my head over my folded arms. After a couple of minutes of watching the man I love sleep, I place a lingering kiss on his lips

"Christian if you can hear me, open your eyes. Please" I wait , as if he might open his eyes at that very second. He doesn't. My hope falls and shatters.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the false hope but after reading some reviews I felt this needed to be said. Christian WILL NOT lose his memory. You guys said you didn't want it so it was never a second thought. But what you should expect in the next chapter that I'll post sometime tomorrow is a showdown between ana and Leila. Kate will find out about the affair and last but not least find out what happened in the study.

Sincerely Kayla


	5. Chapter 5

A/N

Sorry it took so long but I'm planning my daughters birthday party and it's taking up more of my time then I thought. Hope ur still reading

Sincerely Kayla.

Chapter 4

Apov

I'm both mentally and emotionally drained. Today at work was as if I was auto pilot; I didn't talk, I didn't eat, I just did what needed to be done and came straight home. My mind kept replaying my night with Christian over and over. I foolishly thought that maybe if he felt me near him, he would open his eyes and that would be the end of this whole horrible ordeal. Sadly that isn't what happened and this is only the beginning. I texted Taylor asking if anything has changed and he simply replied no, but he'll let me know if they do. So all that's left to do now is wait.

It sounds so simple yet I'm finding it physically impossible. My heart has been in my stomach since yesterday and my hand instinctively rubs my wrist where my charm bracelet no longer

hangs. I could easily go to my jewelry box and admire every memorable moment Christian and I shared, I just don't think it's a good idea since it'll most likely open the flood gates. So here I sit, completely at a lost as to what I should do. I turn on the television just to fill the apartment with noise. I walk around my kitchen hoping to find something that my spark my appetite when I hear my phone beep. I look and it's a text from Kate.

* Elliot is working late. Was wondering if it was okay if I came over?*

I read the message and wonder if I've become so closed off that my best friend has to actually ask to come over. I text her back absolutely and begin to straighten up. I guess I shouldn't say straighten up, I'm more so doing a walk through to make sure there's no trace of christian in sight. Ten minutes later there's a stern knock on the door. I head to answer it very hesitantly since I know it couldn't possibly be Kate since it takes almost a half an hour to drive from her house. I look out the peep hole and it's most certainly not my best friend, in fact it's not a friend at all. I debate on what I should do and decide to open the door since I made this bed, so I must lay in it. In front of me stands Leila, in all her trophy wife glory.

"Well hello Anastasia, may I come in?" She's crazy if she thinks for a second I'll let her in.

"No. Why are you here?" I'm not stupid. I know what this is about and I don't want her anywhere near me.

"I just want to talk, and I don't think this conversation should be had in a hallway." I hate that she's absolutely right.

"You have five minutes." I move away from the door to let her in. She brushes past me, looking around my apartment almost in disgust. The sound of her high heels echoing off my hardware floors.

"This is a cute apartment you have here Anastasia. I wonder who pays for it."

"I pay for it. Now, what do you want."

"What I want is for you to stay away from my husband, but I guess you probably knew that." Well, that surely is cliché.

"Whatever feelings you have for him stop this very second. You are not to see him, talk to him or his family. Do you understand?" if this situation wasn't so serious, I would laugh right in her face.

"What makes you think if I stay away from Christian, he'll stay away from me?" A emotion crosses her face before she quickly covers it.

"Do you honestly think he will choose you over me? If so much as a whisper got out about this affair, Christian would be ruined. He'll lose business deals and soon GEH will fall. And you honestly think he's willing to lose everything for you?" Of course over the course of our relationship I thought of what might happen if word got out about Christian and I, and my worst fear is that it would hurt his business. He can lose every dime he has and I'll still be by his side, but his business is his baby and I would never want him to lose that.

"To answer your question yes, I think given the choice between you and I, he will choose me every time. He loves me and that's a fact. But I will not settle for part of him, I want all of him and that's impossible while he's married to you. So I ended it." I hang my head as I fidget with my fingers, hating telling her about Christian and I but she has the right to know.

"So I guess you expect me to say thank you since you stopped fucking my husband."

" I don't expect anything from you. I did it for my piece of mind and what was left of my moral dignity."

"Dignity? What kind of dignity can you have when you open your legs to married men?"

I stand ready to pounce. But by some miracle I hold myself together, even though my anger is boiling just beneath my surface.

"In the beginning of this, i felt so horrible about what christian and I were doing to you. I thought you were this sweet, loving, caring housewife that always seemed happy and pleasant. Even when Christian told me about your nasty attitude, I still didn't believe him. But now I see, and I'll tell you this one time and one time only, I. love. Christian Grey. When he finally divorces you ;and trust me, he will divorce you. We'll be together again. Until then, get the hell out."

I open the door and watch as she walks out. I don't doubt that this isn't over. I just wish I knew what was coming next. I pace back and forth trying to calm down from our exchange. The nerve of that woman! I should have punched her in the face. I hear a knock yet again and swing the door open ready to go blow for blow. Instead I'm met with Kate's bewildered face.

"Ana, I just seen Leila and she looked pissed. What happened? Why was she even here?" She walks past me entering my apartment with what looks like Chinese food. I don't know what to do. If I tell her it might cause problems between her and the rest of the Greys."Well, are you going to tell me or do I have to ask Leila?"

I stand in front of my best friend completely scared. If Kate knew about Christian and I and thought of me as a home wrecking whore, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Yet I know it would be better if she heard it from me rather then Leila, so I guess I have no choice.

"Kate, before I tell you what's going on you have to promise not to speak a word of it to anyone." She nods her head as she pulls me over to the couch to sit. I take a few deep breaths." Leila was here because she... found out about Christian and I."

She gasp and her eyes grow as big as saucers. "You and Christian had sex?"

Of course my cheeks turn beet red. "Yes, but there's more to it." Her brow furrows in confusion." We've...been dating." Her hand flies to her mouth and for a moment or two she steers at me as of I'm a stranger. I guess I can understand that. This woman knows everything about me, yet I've just told her my biggest secret and she had no clue it was coming. "Kate, are you going to say something?"

"Ana I can't believe you. How could you sleep with a married man? How long has this been going on?"

"A year." I hang my head like a child being scolded by their mother.

"A YEAR! You've been having an affair with my brother in law for a year and you didn't think of telling me?"

"No, No, No. I didn't want you to be in the middle if the rest of his family ever found out. I didn't want you to have any part of what we were doing, that's why I never told you"

"So you practically ignored me, pushed me away and lied to me for a entire year just so I wouldn't get caught up in yours and Christian's betrayal?" I nod my head, unwilling and unable to look my friend in the eye.

"Kate, I never thought it would get this far. It all started with a kiss, but I paid him no mind afterwards because I knew he was married and I felt horrible . As the months went on he was relentless. Then I got to know him. He was sweet and charming and it felt like something bigger then us was forcing us together. Next thing you knew we were inseparable. We would sneak out to have secret lunch dates or he'll fake a business trip and we'll stay in all weekend ; watching movies and making each other laugh. He became my best friend and it was completely unexpected. After a while the secrecy became too much and it was taking a toll on me. I blocked everyone out and devoted myself to this secret. And I thought as long as I had him, it would be okay. And it was for a while, but the nights started to get lonely and I started to hate myself. I realized he made a commitment to his wife, and as much as it hurt the both of us, I told him to honor that commitment and we called it off." I feel so many different emotions right now. I'm pained by the memory of Christians and I last night together but feel like a weight has been lifted since I finally told someone about it. Kate wipes away a few of my fallen tears.

"Oh Ana, I just thought the two of you were having sex, I didn't think you loved him."

"I never thought I would, but now it's undeniable. We've been apart for less then a week and I'm barely keeping myself sane."

Kate scoots closer and wraps me in a hug which I return. "I want you to know, as a wife I'm furious at you. But as your best friend, I can see just how much pain you're in."

"Thank you Kate." We break our embrace

"I'm sorry for not telling you."

"I understand why you didn't,but I don't understand why Leila is so upset about the two of you if she's having a affair herself."

"WHAT!"

"Well, I don't really know if she's really having one but from what I saw it sure looks like it."

"What did you see."

"I was in Portland having dinner with Jose and his girlfriend after one of his shows when I saw Leila and some guy having dinner."

"When was this? And why didn't you say anything?". I don't know what hurts more; the fact that she kept such a big secret or that my closest friends had dinner and didn't bother to ask me. I guess it's the latter.

"It was a while ago. But I was a little surprised that Sawyer wasn't with her. So a few day afterwards I asked Sawyer why he was not with Leila Friday night and he informed me that Mrs. Grey request is to be left alone every other Friday night." She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

What the hell is going on? Why would she need to be left alone, surely she knows the dangers of being in public without her security.

"Kate, we have to find out what she's doing."

By now Kate is opening the takeout containers and preparing to stuff her face.

"No. I will not get in the middle of your messy love triangle. If she is having an affair, how is it any different from what you and Christian are doing?"

"It's different because Christian and I are in love. I can't live without him. How we started was wrong, but I don't care. He's it for me. I'm not ashamed of us, because I know he truly loves me."

She steers at me with a small smile touching her lips. "You really love him that much?" I nod " And he loves you to?"

"Of course he does. If he wakes up and wants to stay with Leila, I'll gladly walk away and let him live his life. But he needs to know what she's hiding."

She looks as if she's contemplating until I see her defense completely shut down.

"God damn you Steele, I'll do it. But we have to come up with a plan."

We spend the rest of the night putting our plan into motion. I know we'll find out whit she's up to.

(Flashback to the night of Christian's accident)

For the last thirty minutes I had to listen to Leila yell. She's beyond pissed, she keeps screaming that I'll lose everything if this got out to the press. I don't care anything about what the press might think. I want Anastasia back and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I pour myself another drink in a attempt to drawn out her annoying voice as thoughts of Ana dance through my mind.

"Christian! Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, I just don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is, you are my husband and you're having an affair."

"Don't give me that I'm your husband bullshit. You haven't cared about me, let alone this marriage since the miscarriage" for a small moment I get a little choked up thinking about the child we lost.

"So it's my fault that you're a cheater?"

"No, it's your fault because you stopped caring and after a while it became painfully obvious. I was still fighting for us, while you were busy obsessing over what the public thought of you."

"So what happens now? You try to divorce me so you can be with Ana?"

I stand up from my chair and brace myself on my desk." That's exactly what happens. You can have whatever you want, but we are done."

I head to the door feeling like a huge rock has been moved out of the way and now my road to happiness is clear. I hear Leila calling out to me but I keep heading towards my study door. When the sound of shattered glass and a sharp pain across the back of my head. My vision becomes blurry and when I turn around, I see Leila holding what remains of my brandy bottle. I feel weaker and weaker until I can no longer stand and as I go down my desk comes into my line of sight.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N

For the few readers that wished my daughter a happy birthday. It's not much but who can complain with two updates in one day. Lol

Chapter 5

Apov

Kate and I have followed Leila for three hours only to end up in Portland. The drive down was a lot of fun, but I suspect that has everything to do with us acting like teenagers. We sang, ate fast foods and took a crazy amount of photos. I've missed times like these with Kate. She's been in constant contact with Elliot, he doesn't know what we're doing but he does know we're in Portland. She made up some lie about me going to see Ray and José, and I think before I head home I'll do just that. Of course the only person I've talked to today has been Taylor. He updated me on Christian's status and it looks the same, that only makes me angrier. Leila's driving around Portland to go see god knows who while christian is in a hospital bed.

She drives with a clear destination and a clear purpose, after a while she stops in front of a white building. Kate parks our rental car across the street. She doesn't get out, she just waits.

"Ana, grab my lab top from the backseat." I turn around in my seat and dig her lab top out of her bag.

"What do you need this for?"

"I want to find out exactly what this business is."

She begins to type and my eyes are fixed on Leila's white Audi. The door to the tall white building swings open and a tall man with jet black hair, navy blue button down shirt and tan slacks walks out. His smile is almost creepy and Leila looks uncomfortable when she rolls down the driver side window.

"Kate, is it him?" I point to the man leaning in the window talking to Leila.

"Yeah. That's him, hurry up and take the picture."

I roll the dark tinted window down a little and take picture after picture. They don't kiss or show any type of affection. After a couple of minutes of talking Leila gives him a white envelope and drives away. I'm stuck. I don't know what that was but it most certainly not an affair. I feel horrible, I thought that Leila was just as guilty as Christian in her infidelity but she has no infidelity. Maybe she knew Christian was cheating and that's where her nasty demeanor came from.

"Oh my god!" Kate's sudden outburst scares me half to death.

"What? Is it the baby? Are you OK?"

"No, the baby is fine."

"Then what is it?"

"Well, I looked up the buildings address."

She looks disgusted and almost sad.

"And?"

With sorrow in her green eyes, she simply replies "Ana...it's a abortion clinic."

Cpov

My eyelids feel surprisingly light today and as I open them I see the light that hangs over what I suspect is a hospital bed.


End file.
